


It's An Acquired Taste

by Ourliazo



Series: A Brief Foray [7]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Ghouls, Buying Children, Cannibalism, Fluff, Gen, Ghoul Children, Ghoul!Fon, M/M, Reborn's A+ Parenting, Slave Trade, These Tags Sound Bad But It's Actually All Fluff, eating people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-06-05 04:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Reborn is no longer allowed to make big decisions without Fon. Buying ghoul children to eat the corpses the hitman brings home is not a good plan, regardless of how much more efficient it is.





	1. It's An Acquired Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Background: Tokyo Ghoul AU.

Fon rings the doorbell, since he left his keys at home before he flew to China, and waits patiently on the front steps.

"One second!" Reborn calls out from inside, followed by a brief but urgent shuffling sound.

"It's just me," Fon reassures the hitman because Reborn was probably cleaning his guns in the living room again.

The shuffling stops and the door opens just a crack soon after. Reborn peers over Fon's shoulder to make sure no one is passing by who could accidentally see into the house, and then opens the door wider.

Fon raises an eyebrow. Reborn is being more cautious than usual so whatever he's doing must be important. Or very, very illegal – like calling the Vindice down upon them illegal.

"Should I just leave?" Fon asks. "Is this going to be like that time in Greece?"

Reborn purses his lips. "No? Kind of?" He shakes his head. "Just come in, I don't want anyone to see."

Fon sighs but carries his luggage inside their house so Reborn can close and lock the door after him. Fon takes in the combined living room and kitchen area, but while there are guns spread out on the counter top in various dismantled states, Fon doesn't see anything bad enough to warrant the caution Reborn has displayed.

Fon sniffs a bit and catches a lot of blood but that's normal for their house. The hitman usually brings home his targets and puts them into the large freezer in the laundry so the entire house smells just a bit like blood at all times.

"Okay," Reborn begins. "Don't be upset."

"I am already upset just hearing those words," Fon admits and breathes in again, a lot deeper this time, trying to look for something hidden. He catches a scent and his eyes flicker to a red iris and black sclera.

"I love you?" Reborn tries. "Don't do the eye thing. It's not that bad, I promise."

"Dad?" a little voice calls out from the threshold between the kitchen and the laundry. It's a tiny boy, maybe four years old, with a shock of bright purple hair. His eyes are red and black and his little pudgy kagune are wriggling in the air, all eight red tentacles flopping around.

The little boy is also covered from head to toe in blood.

Reborn leans around Fon to see the child. "Did you finish your food?"

"Yeah," he calls out and toddles up to the two adults.

"No," Reborn says warningly, pointing a finger at the child. "What did I say about the blood?"

The boy blinks his big purple eyes up at the hitman. "I don't get hugs until I'm clean 'cause Am-Armani is more important than I am."

"Exactly-"

"No," Fon says over the top of Reborn. "You get hugs whenever you want." To prove this, Fon crouches down and scoops up the blood-soaked child before straightening up with the boy on his hip. "What's your name?"

The boy hums. "Skull, but Dad calls me 'it'."

Fon turns to Reborn.

"What?" Reborn scoffs. "I bought it from the traffickers this morning. I haven't had time to name it yet."

Fon sighs.

"You eat people," Reborn deadpans, incredulous. "You literally eat people and for some reason I'm the bad guy because I haven't found a name for my pet?"

Fon shakes his head. "I'm going to give Skull a bath. You can stay here and think about what's wrong with the sentence you just said."

* * *

"So," Reborn begins, leaning against the doorway of their house, the door only cracked open a small bit. "You know how I'm really good at giving head? I would be up for that…"

"What have you done?" Fon asks with a blank smile on his face.

"Just hear me out," Reborn tries. "This one is far less of a messy eater and it knows how to read so that's done, it doesn't need school anymore."

Fon forces the door open, simply leaving his luggage outside, only to find a large blue plastic sheet spread out on the living room floor. Large chunks of meat are scattered on the plastic and five little ghoul children are munching away.

One is a green haired boy maybe nine, there are two pineapple haired siblings around seven, a five year old boy with feathers in his hair, and finally a three year old brunet boy who looks Japanese.

Skull darts down the stairs, slams into Fon's knees for a hug, and then the little boy runs off to join the others.

"Six now?" Fon asks. "Reborn, I already eat most of your corpses. You don't need one, much less six."

"I'm not keeping them all," Reborn explains. "It's like a little interview, you know? I'll just return the ones I don't want. They're refundable, don't worry."

"That's not – Reborn, that's not the problem," Fon says. "Please, stop buying children. I don't think we can handle this many. I can barely handle _you_."

"But we're not keeping them."

"We have to," Fon sighs. "I can't, in good conscience, return them to a human trafficking ring, and nor can I give them to an orphanage when they're too young to have control over their ghoul side."

"There's no use for six children," Reborn points out. "I only need one for when you're out of the country or if you're already full."

"Children don't have 'uses'," Fon argues. "That's not what they're meant for."

"Then what's the point?" Reborn wonders.

Fon purses his lips. "No more, Reborn. I'm serious this time."

"No promises," Reborn says.

* * *

Colonnello stares at Fon across the café table while Lal sighs heavily in exasperation. Reborn is ordering his second espresso at the counter with six little kids running around his knees.

Skull is being chased by Xanxus while Mukuro tries to trip both of them up and Chrome watches with wide eyes. Verde is clinging to one of Reborn's legs with Leon blending into his green hair and Tsuna is sitting up in the hitman's arms, little hands wrapped around Reborn's neck as Tsuna smushes his face into the adult's cheek.

"Why do you let him do these things?" Lal asks.

"I don't let him do anything," Fon argues. "Every time I visit China. Every time. Something always happens."

"Then stop leaving," Colonnello suggests. "Lal and I are going to have to babysit those little brats now."

"You don't have to," Fon protests. "But that… would be nice, yes."

A horrified shriek comes from a few tables away, the mass of teen girls staring in horror. Fon follows their line of sight and spots Verde with his little stubby needle tail hanging out. The child tries to hide between Reborn and the counter but he's so young and his control is bad so the kagune just gets even sharper defensively.

Reborn finishes listing his order despite the staff backing away slowly in terror, and then the hitman leans down to pat Verde on the head a few times. He's unconcerned about the fuss because the kids often sprout their ghoul parts spontaneously, so he's not surprised.

Fon just drinks his tea and ignores how the small café is quickly abandoned. Lal and Colonnello say goodbye because if they don't have to get involved then they would rather not.

Fon kind of wants to wait here and deal with anyone who comes for the kids because it would be a great stress reliever. Plus, post-murder sex with Reborn is the best kind of sex.

However, it might not be the best idea concerning the children. Mukuro has retreated under a table with Chrome bundled in his arms while Skull has dived under Fon's long tunic to hide.

Tsuna is shaking like a leaf in Reborn's arms and Verde has slipped into a cupboard off to the side that holds napkins and straws. Xanxus is baring his teeth at people who gape into the café through the floor to ceiling display windows at the front, but he also has a fist full of Reborn's slacks.

"Reborn," Fon calls out. "Come on, we should go before the children get mentally scarred."

From Reborn and Fon murdering all the Doves, that is.

"If I must," Reborn complains theatrically. "Let's go tiny cleaners." He wiggles his fingers next to him and they all slowly emerge to swarm his knees again.

"They have names," Fon reminds the hitman, standing from the table and scooping up Skull when the purple boy charges him for a hug. He then follows Reborn out of the café and down the street that leads back to their house.

"I have a name too but none of them want to use it," Reborn points out, perhaps a bit too entertained at how people give them a wide berth since Verde still has his needle tail out.

"Dad?" Chrome asks softly. "I'm tired."

"See?" Reborn says. "They've renamed me as well." He shifts Tsuna over a bit and then hauls up Chrome onto his other hip. Mukuro immediately grabs onto Reborn's belt to not lose his sister.

"I…" Fon trails off. "Okay, I understand your argument, I really do, but there's a big difference because one is affectionate and one is dehumanising."

"They're not human – left."

Fon's head snaps to the left and he lights a fist in blood red flames before reaching out, the bullet disintegrating before it gets anywhere close to hitting his palm. The Doves, hidden behind a police barricade, open fire. Fon drops Skull down and his kagune bursts through the back of his shirt to unfurl like scaled dragon wings as he darts into the fray.

Reborn attempts to juggle two kids and a gun but gives up and just passes the weapon down to Xanxus. "Slide the little button… yeah, now aim at those people over there and pull the curved piece of metal back."

Xanxus gets a headshot.

"Good boy," Reborn praises.

* * *

"So," Fon hums, standing once more at the door of their home.

"So," Reborn echoes in amusement. He glances down at the tiny Fon clone, barely bigger than Fon's carry-on luggage.

"There was an incident," Fon tries. "And I know we didn't talk about this, but does one more really make such a difference?"

Reborn steps back and opens the door wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other story lines within this one:
> 
> 1\. Skull is not quite sure how he got to this point, and he doesn't really know what's happening half the time, but he loves his new family with all of his adorable little human eating heart.
> 
> 2\. The children have a bad habit of nibbling on Reborn if they're too sleepy.
> 
> 3\. Sometimes Reborn is too lazy to go shopping for normal food so he just cooks human meat and eats that instead.
> 
> 4\. The kids all branch out as they get older and eventually take over several mafia famiglias while Kyouya rules over the Doves and Lal gives Chrome COMSUBIN.
> 
> 5\. This means that Reborn technically owns most of Italy because he owns the people ruling it.
> 
> 6\. Kyouya does eventually find his way to Namimori.
> 
> 7\. Somehow, despite all of Reborn's hard work, most of the children turn out to be well-adjusted adults.
> 
> 8\. Except for the whole mafia and eating people thing, but really they could be a whole lot worse.


	2. Christmas Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Reborn and Fon's first Christmas with the little ghoul children. None of the man-eating tots have ever encountered Santa before, so when they find a man in bright red who has broken into their happy home…

"How long does it take them to wake up?" Reborn grumbles, kicking the brick wall of the fireplace gently enough that it doesn't break but loud enough that the kids upstairs should hear it and come down. They'll see Santa, be forced to enjoy the magic, and then they can all go back to sleep.

"Give them some time," Fon says patiently, sitting on the couch with a cup of lavender tea.

Reborn sighs heavily and steps back from the fireplace so he can adjust the Santa costume. The red velvet and white fur are too hot to be worn at the same time, especially since the air conditioner is set to warm the house. The beard is so itchy as well.

"You're being Santa next year," Reborn complains.

"You wanted to dress up for Christmas," Fon reminds the hitman. He gestures to the giant tree with far too many presents, even for a house with seven kids – which is Reborn's fault entirely. "I said just put the presents under the tree, but no, you always have to go the extra mile-"

"Are you saying you don't like it when I dress up?" Reborn scoffs, stalking towards the martial artist. "Because there's a nurse costume in the closet, but if you don't want me to then  _fine_ , we'll just skip that  _Christmas tradition_."

"I actually wanted the maid cosplay," Fon jokes, leaning back on the couch and placing his tea on a side table so Reborn can straddle his lap.

"You son of a bitch," Reborn chuckles, wrapping his hands around the other man's throat. "Say that again, you ungrateful ass."

"Could you not hear me the first time?" The martial artists smirks as his hands slide up Santa's jacket. "Come closer. I won't  _bite_."

"That's pathetic and I hate you so much-"

"Dad?" Tsuna cries, worried.

Reborn and Fon freeze and turn to the doorway where a little huddle of ghouls gape up at them. How do they always have the worst timing? Reborn scrambles off Fon's lap and gets ready to tell them all his Santa speech and bring them the magic of Christmas-

"What were you doing to dad?" Kyouya growls out, already in his full-on ghoul shift.

"I was giving him a present," Reborn tries and can't help the wink he throws at Fon.

"Likely story," Mukuro sneers. "Only daddy is allowed to eat him."

"Just use my name," Reborn sighs. "I mean – nice to meet you kids." He leans forward, hands braced on his knees to try and get closer to their height. He even offers up a kind smile. "My name is Santa. Have you heard of me?"

Of course they've heard of Santa, Reborn has been indoctrinating them into enjoying the holiday despite it being completely illogical and none of them wanting to join in.

Verde's eyes go wide and they snap to black on red. "The fat man that breaks into houses!"

"I've actually gone on a diet this year," Reborn informs the child.

Xanxus points an accusing finger. "You were attacking dad because he's on the naughty list, weren't you?"

"You're here to spy on us for the Doves," Skull cries in fear.

"I…" Reborn trails off, straightening up and raising an eyebrow. "I see where you're coming from, so I'm giving you creativity points."

"Those presents are corpses," Chrome murmurs, half hidden behind Mukuro but close enough that she can smell the meat in the gift-wrapped ice boxes. "Where did you get the bodies from?"

The hitman kills a lot more people around Christmas, so what else is he going to do with them? Besides, he's gifting them  _unique_  corpses – none of the kids have eaten an Australian before, right? (Do they taste different? Reborn probably should have asked Fon first.) Plus it's not all corpses, there are some actual presents…

Reborn purses his lips and frowns at Chrome. "I think that's a little hypocritical of you to question why I have dead bodies."

All of the children look different mixes of scared and angry.

Well, the whole night is ruined anyway.

Reborn smiles with a whole lot of teeth peeking through the white beard and takes a threatening step forward. "But I'm glad you asked, little girl. Do you know why naughty children get coal? So I can roast them over their own fireplace and gift them to the good kiddies."

Fon's sigh is audible from across the room.

"Your precious dad over there?" Reborn cackles disturbingly. "He's going to be a present under your tree next Christmas!"

The children cry out in shock, none of them old enough to understand the concept of meat spoiling. Reborn briefly considers how long Fon's body would last in the Arctic and rethinks that. Maybe Fon could last an entire year. If not, the reindeer could always use some food.

"How dare you!" Skull bellows and charges forward in his adorable tottering run, pudgy kagune wiggling behind him.

"You think you can defeat me?" Reborn mocks, stepping out of the way of the charge and then grabbing the boy's collar, hefting him up. "I can circle the globe in a night, child. I can break into any house if I so wish." He narrows his eyes. "So tell me; what makes you think you can defeat me?"

Skull scowls right back. "Don't ask me, I'm just the distraction."

A little war cry rings out as Kyouya launches himself from the Christmas tree, clutching the golden star that was on top as a weapon. Reborn manoeuvres himself so he catches Kyouya and places him on a shoulder before trying to stabilise the falling tree.

The other kids rush out and start biting at his legs. They don't get past the fur and velvet thankfully, because if they tasted Reborn then they'd know who he was since they nibble on him sometimes.

"No," Reborn wails dramatically, staggering about. "How…are you…so strong?"

They're actually very strong. They may be kids but they're ghouls as well so Reborn is going to have some bruises in the morning.

Kyouya keeps trying to jam the plastic and very blunt star into Reborn's neck, while Skull flails in the air. Xanxus pulls on Reborn's clothes and tries to scale the adult as the rest attempt to bite him. Tsuna swiftly gives up on that and instead wraps himself around a leg and clings with a fiercely determined little scrunched up face.

Fon will put a stop to this...right after he finishes his tea.

Reborn lets out a suitably pained scream when Verde's stubby needle tail pokes him in the side. He gently drops Kyouya and Skull onto the ground, plus detaches Xanxus from his back, then curls up over his 'injury'.

"You brats are going on the naughty list," Reborn snarls.

He grabs Tsuna and wiggles him around until he lets go of Reborn's leg, then drops the boy onto Mukuro so the kids are distracted with their fallen comrades.

"Just you wait," Reborn hisses, backing away while clutching his supposedly wounded side. "I'll be back next Christmas and I'll eat your dad for  _dinner_!"

Reborn whirls around and easily slips up the chimney – modified just for this event. He creeps over the rooftop and then swings down into his bedroom where he does a split-second wardrobe change and rushes downstairs.

He bursts back into the room in pyjamas, hair mussed like he just woke up and with a concerned expression plastered onto his face. "What's wrong?"

The adrenalin drains out of the children quickly and their determined expressions melt away before most of them then burst into tears. Reborn crouches down and gathers as many as he can into a hug. Fon swiftly sets his tea down again when they start crying and hurries over for cuddles as well.

"Hey, it's okay," Reborn murmurs. "Calm down, I'm here now. No one is going to hurt you. Tell me what happened."

The children do their best and manage to sob out a story about Santa breaking in and trying to hurt Fon. Reborn looks up at Fon with worry but he's also trying really hard not to laugh. He should not be so amused while his children are crying but this is quite frankly hilarious.

Fon does not look like he agrees with Reborn's assessment.

* * *

Dino gapes along with the rest of the children gathered around the playground's sandbox.

"And then I  _stabbed_  him!" Kyouya snarls, making a violent stabbing motion downwards with an invisible star.

Takeshi laughs. "Wow, that's a pretty scary nightmare."

"It wasn't a nightmare," Xanxus snaps. "We fought off Santa."

"Santa doesn't hurt kids," Byakuran scoffs. "Everyone knows that."

"He doesn't hurt  _good_  kids," Mukuro corrects.

Bermuda hums, voice muffled by the thick scarf covering his entire head. "It is questionable that this Santa fellow is the only authority on who is or isn't nice."

"P-plus he breaks into your ho-home and watches you wh-while you sleep," Tsuna stutters, shaking badly as his eyes dart around, watching out for any suspicious sleighs.

"Um," Fuuta says in a soft voice, glancing at his parents Lambo and I-pin, who are off chatting with the other adults. "On Christmas, I-I saw mummy kissing Santa."

Skull grabs the other boy's shoulders, deadly serious. "Santa is going to eat your mummy."

Fuuta starts screaming, which sets off Tsuna and Chrome, and quickly spreads to the other kids.

The adults jolt and immediately rush over to comfort their children. Fon sighs as Reborn tips over and muffles his laughter into the martial artist's shoulder.

"Reborn," Fon starts. "I love you, but you are not a good parent. You're barely a good  _person_."

"That's why I have you," Reborn coos and snuggles into Fon, trying to act cute.

"Daddy!" Tsuna shrieks, launching himself into Reborn's stomach.

Then the others join in and he gets tackled down thanks to Fon sticking out a foot and tripping the hitman.

"Okay," Reborn hushes, trying to gently coax the children off of his body. "No need to panic. Santa won't be coming again."

"No," Verde announces, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Let him come. We'll get him next year."

Reborn gives Fon a smug look.

See, the children are clearly enjoying themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other story lines within this one:
> 
> 1\. This becomes a tradition.
> 
> 2\. Fon switches out with Reborn once the kids get strong enough that seven of them against one human becomes not such a great idea. At least not if Fon wants the children to come out unhurt.
> 
> 3\. Reborn also becomes the Tooth Fairy at one point.
> 
> 4\. It's actually a really good way to check how well the children can defend themselves.
> 
> 5\. They learn to set traps by the time the oldest hits eleven years old.
> 
> 6\. They eventually realise that it's just Fon or Reborn dressing up, but that makes them even more adamant on showing that they can defend their little family.
> 
> 7\. Reborn is genuinely so proud of them. (Proud that they're so enthusiastic about murdering someone.)
> 
> 8\. They have some weird family Christmas pictures.


End file.
